How to eat at a buffet (and not feel like you’re going to die)

I love buffets. I have a method to the madness.  I am writing this on Thanksgiving Day, but it can be applied to Vegas buffets, Armenian weddings (lol), etc…

1. Sample! Sample! Sample!  The most important rule is to only get only a tiny amount of everything that looks appealing.  And when I say a tiny amount, I mean like, a god damn teaspoon or tablespoon of the stuff.  Buffets have way too many options, so you really want to be extremely picky!

• Then I could be like “Oh i’m so glad I didn’t get like half a pound of that roast beef cause it was actually mediocre as fuck.”
• Or maybe I’ll be like “Oh this sweet potato was amazing, I’m definitely going to get some more.”

2. I eat dessert first, because I know I’ll be too stuffed to eat it later and I enjoy it aplenty if I eat it first.  I actually do this in general too if it’s possible.  I almost never eat dessert/sweets/pastries, but if I know it’s going to be around, I actually make it the first thing I eat.

3. Shoot for a low-carb/high-protein diet.  Ignore the bread, rice, pasta, cakes… anything that’s almost purely carbs.  Those excess carbs REALLY make you feel bloated like mad.  (If you fill a fourth of your plate with rice, you’re going to have a bad time.)

4. Fruits don’t mix so well when you’re loading yourself with other random foods.  If you weren’t stuffing your face, I’d say fruits are AWESOME, but fruits are lots of sugars and fiber and may cause cramping/bloating.  In fact, I generally like to eat fruits at completely separate times, like as a snack in between meals (in normal day-to-day-life).

5. Vegetables, on the other hand, go pretty good with other foods and don’t cause much bloating when you’re literally going to be stuffing your stomach to the max.  They have less sugars than fruits and it’s going to be a great source of fiber, which is really important so you’re not constipated with half a turkey for two days.

6. Don’t fill your plate up to the brim. Purposely limit the amount on your plate so it forces you to make several trips (if it’s that type of buffet).  People think I’m crazy when I’m going for my 7th plate, but I’m not filling my plate senselessly every time.   Every time I get up to grab more food, I am actually more selective about what I really want to eat and it helps make the entire experience more enjoyable.

It took a while to figure these things out but I thoroughly enjoy buffets if I do this.